as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
