Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
