I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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