Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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