Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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