I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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