but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
