you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
