apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
