yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
