Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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