Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
