Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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