i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
