She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
