I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
