just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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