I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You work out of a Hotel?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
