Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
