32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
