Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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