I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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