i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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