apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
