i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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