Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
