i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
