So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
