I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
