My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
