im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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