You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
