You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
