mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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