Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
