Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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