Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
