I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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