I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
