she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
