Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
