Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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