FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
