Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
