I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
