I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
