So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
