So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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