I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
