i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
